Are you really listening?

Last week, my colleague Sanjay Lamba shared a great post on the power of listening in negotiation. He gave a practical example that showed how truly listening—rather than just waiting for your turn to speak—can transform resistance into genuine partnership.

It got me thinking more deeply about what it really means to listen.

In my line of work, I spend a lot of time in meetings, workshops, and team sessions. And I often see people going through the motions of listening—nodding along, making eye contact, maybe even jotting down a few notes. But more often than not, they’re just waiting for a pause so they can jump in. That’s not listening to understand; it’s listening to reply.

Real listening is something else entirely. It’s intentional. It means tuning in not just to the words, but also to the tone, the silences, and the emotion behind the message. It’s being fully present—not distracted by a phone, a scribbled note, or a pre-planned response. It requires curiosity, patience, and an open mind.

From my coaching practice, I’ve seen firsthand how powerful silence can be. When we resist the urge to fill the space and instead allow others to reflect and continue, something shifts. People feel seen. They feel heard. And that’s when trust begins to build.

Here are a few questions I like to reflect on:

• Am I truly present in this conversation?
• How can I stay curious instead of judgmental?
• Am I open to being changed by what I hear?

It’s not always easy. For many of us, it’s a skill that takes practice. But the payoff is worth it.

Zach Mercurio’s work on mattering really resonates here. When we genuinely listen, we show people that they matter. And when people feel that, we see better engagement, stronger mental health, deeper trust, and more effective teams.

Georgina Woudstra recently wrote, “Trust isn’t built, it’s revealed.” That trust reveals itself when we slow down, make real contact, and allow space for deeper connection. Listening alone doesn’t create psychological safety—but it’s a key piece of the puzzle.

If this is something you’re exploring too, I’d love to connect and continue the conversation.